I'm in Wallis for a few days with my parents. You can't escape your condition and god-damn I'm tired of hating myself because of my bourgeois family. Anyway I'm living in luxury, in a nice hotel with a spa. Everything is beautiful I have to say, so much old artifact here. Some ancient paintings and engraving are on the wall. I miss my guitar and the cold is unbearable, my phone battery doesn't last long outside. And it's for the better i can't text her. Today i blocked her from all my social networks, and i feel light now. A lot of things happened since I've wrote them. That's what i say to all my far away close friends. Well i lost my best friend and it hurts bad, really really bad. And It's all my fault. She helped me a lot and I'm very thankful for it. She helped me go thru what i thought was the hardest part of my life. Jokes on me it's right now the hardest part of my life and i feel alone, i miss her. Depression is though, it's not an easy road it makes you go to places you never thought you'd go, do things you'd never thought you'd do. So many lines are in my nose. Facing your problems is fucking hard no wonder that you're high. And there's so many problems that doesn't have a solution. What if it was my mind that was fucked up, what if addiction was in my dna ? Well it is, they told me that at my psychiatric hospital. I'll have to write it someday. For now i don't know if i need a rest or a party. I'm so fucked up, i sleep in the day and live in the night, and this is not hotel friendly lifestyle. I never rest i'll rest when i'm dead. I also miss my antidepressants i forgot them home, and it's quite bad. Yeah, my SSRI are not in my brain, and it makes me want to end that comedy forever. I know i could do it and that's what frightens me. I like the snow and the blue sky, I'll write more soon, hopefully there will be a party someday. I have to tell you about the few months that passed, but I don't have the strength right now.
Notre vie est un combat et tes muscles ne serviront à rien. Et oui tu peux être très fort physiquement tu seras toujours malmené par la vie, la vie dans le sens du destin. Il y aura toujours des événements au-delà de toi, des choses que tu ne pourras jamais contrôler et la vie te le rappelle de la pire des façons. Et la meilleure chose à faire c’est de rester stoïque. De les accepter et d’espérer des jours meilleurs, mais au final tu peux espérer tout ce que tu veux les choses qui te surpassent continueront à échapper à ton contrôle. tout cela est tellement absurde, il n’y a pas de sens à ta vie et cherche désespérément un sens te rendra simplement plus perdu. Tu réalises gentiment que tu n’es rien face à des 36 tonnes, qu’une épidémie peut prendre tes proches en une semaine. Tu réalises que tu es face à une machine qui te déprimera dès que tu voudras la changer, une machine qui fait souffrir des millions de gens dans le silence. Une machine qui a plusieurs facettes, ta couleur de peau