I'm in Wallis for a few days with my parents. You can't escape your condition and god-damn I'm tired of hating myself because of my bourgeois family. Anyway I'm living in luxury, in a nice hotel with a spa. Everything is beautiful I have to say, so much old artifact here. Some ancient paintings and engraving are on the wall. I miss my guitar and the cold is unbearable, my phone battery doesn't last long outside. And it's for the better i can't text her. Today i blocked her from all my social networks, and i feel light now. A lot of things happened since I've wrote them. That's what i say to all my far away close friends. Well i lost my best friend and it hurts bad, really really bad. And It's all my fault. She helped me a lot and I'm very thankful for it. She helped me go thru what i thought was the hardest part of my life. Jokes on me it's right now the hardest part of my life and i feel alone, i miss her. Depression is though, it's not an easy road it makes you go to places you never thought you'd go, do things you'd never thought you'd do. So many lines are in my nose. Facing your problems is fucking hard no wonder that you're high. And there's so many problems that doesn't have a solution. What if it was my mind that was fucked up, what if addiction was in my dna ? Well it is, they told me that at my psychiatric hospital. I'll have to write it someday. For now i don't know if i need a rest or a party. I'm so fucked up, i sleep in the day and live in the night, and this is not hotel friendly lifestyle. I never rest i'll rest when i'm dead. I also miss my antidepressants i forgot them home, and it's quite bad. Yeah, my SSRI are not in my brain, and it makes me want to end that comedy forever. I know i could do it and that's what frightens me. I like the snow and the blue sky, I'll write more soon, hopefully there will be a party someday. I have to tell you about the few months that passed, but I don't have the strength right now.
J’avais pour but, comme projet de faire la fête. Et oui la fête toujours la fête; se vider la tête ou se l’exposer tout dépend de la façon de voir les choses et surtout à qui tu poses la question. Il nous fallait prendre le train pour nous rendre a cette fête particulière, pour ne pas entrer dans les détails disons que c’est une fête marginale. J’étais avec 3 autres personnes, des gens merveilleux que j’aime de tout mon coeur, même s’il faut le reconnaître je ne prends pas toujours les meilleures décisions avec elleux. Et nous étions parti pour le Jura les poches pleines de stupéfiant et les mains vides. Une fois arrivés à notre arrêt de train une partie du wagon, surprenamment rempli pour ce train régional, sorti avec nous et nous nous entassâmes dans un minuscule car postal en direction d’un village perdu dans la vallée voisine, en direction de l’aventure. Je vous (re)passe les détails sur notre montée, mais nous avions à peine entamé notre montée quand nous étions au sommet. Et au